Selections from Chapter 7: (Click here for full text)

 Till Death Us Do Part?

Is a divorcee still married in God’s eyes?

What is in the middle of both America and Australia? Answer: The letter "R".

Another riddle: If a woman is born in Italy, marries in England, moves to America, and dies in Baltimore, what is she?

I must admit that when I first heard this I did not get it at all. Several possibilities came to mind: What is the first letter of each place? I E A B. Or what shape did her journey make? Or what is at the first letter of the place where she was born, and the last letter of the place where she died? But I was on completely the wrong track because I ignored the obvious – a woman born in Italy, married in England, moved to Italy and died in America, what is she? Answer: Dead!

Alright, here is another seemingly simple riddle with a catch: A woman falls in love, gets engaged, and gets married. Her husband commits adultery, moves in with his mistress and divorces her. What is her marital status? The obvious answer is: "Single" or "Divorced". But many Bible scholars would say: "Married – because only death can end a marriage."

Lifelong marriage can be a curse

Is death the only end to marriage? If it was, some people would regard this as a blessing from God because it represents a lifetime guarantee on their marriage. But others, who have found that the person they married is actually unfaithful or violent, would see it as a life sentence of imprisonment with a most cruel enemy.

Few things last for ever, or even for a lifetime, and this is what makes marriage such a special event in someone’s life. Someone has proposed to you, saying, "I love you and only you," and at the wedding they say: "I will love you, honour you and keep you through poverty and illness, till death us do part." Is there anything more affirming than someone you love making this lifelong commitment to you? That is why it is so devastating when those vows are broken. But it happens.

People commit adultery, or become cruel or abusive and their marriage starts to break down. What happens then? Most marriages can be healed, with effort from both partners, but, like cancer if it is left untreated too long, broken vows are terminal because they kill a marriage.

When a marriage has reached this condition, a Christian can do one of three things:

1) Remain together and suffer, in the hope that things will get better.

2) Separate, but without getting divorced.

3) Get divorced.

But should a Christian ever get divorced? Doesn’t marriage last forever?

Some Christians say "once married, always married". I would love to say that this is true, and that all marriages can be saved; that God blesses each marriage and keeps it together whatever happens, but I have some bad news for you. Some marriages cannot be rescued, and the Bible does not promise that all marriages have a lifetime guarantee.

More in this chapter...

Texts which might imply lifelong marriage

When silence speaks volumes

Romans 7.2: The church as Christ's bride

1 Corinthians 7.39: widows' freedom to remarry

To conclude: Case not proved

We have come to the end of this chapter having learnt what seems to be a very negative message. We have failed to find any evidence that God gives a lifetime guarantee with every marriage. Although some people might be disappointed by this, there will be others – those who are suffering cruel abuse or who have been deserted – who may be relieved to hear that God does not imprison them in a marriage when their partner has so obviously and painfully broken it up.

We learnt that God is not constrained by any supposed universal law that marriage lasts a lifetime, and we have found nothing in the Bible which speaks about any such rule. Instead, we find that:

We have found no reason to believe that God changed his mind about divorce between the Old Testament and the New Testament. In both Testaments God is on the side of the victim of marriage break-up, and allows the victim to divorce a partner who is unfaithful or neglectful or abusive.

We do also have a positive conclusion – that God understands us. He lovingly provides a way out of an impossible situation rather than inflexibly and legalistically ruling that all marriages must continue until death, regardless of how faithless or abusive your partner is to you. God abhors the sin of broken marriage vows but he knows our limitations and wants to deal with our sinfulness. He sees what people suffer in secret and gives comfort and a practical solution to the victim. Divorce does not take away the hurt, but it does not perpetuate it either. Even if the victim of a marriage break-up cannot find love elsewhere, they can at least find peace and they can feel safe in the knowledge that the one who betrayed their love no longer has any claim on their life.

These conclusions leave us asking a question: If divorce is possible, when is it possible? We will look at this in the next chapter.


Next chapter...

Chapter 8: Four Biblical Grounds for Divorce